December 10 10:53 AM-Stuart
Dear Amanda,
I know you don't want to hear from me ever again. But I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I was also hopping we could possibly talk about the all the hurtful and degrading and horrible things I have done to you. I know I don't deserve hearing from you and you feel very deceived from our entire friendship. I acted like a disgusting little boy. I am very sorry for that. It would mean alot to me and be helpful as I need to start being accountable for my actions. If I don't hear back from you I understand and will attempt no further communication with you.
Stuart Reynolds
December 10 10:26 PM-Amanda
Stuart,
I will listen to what you have to say. Please remember though, that by talking about what happened, this is to help you get your life straight and in no way means that we will ever get back together. I have moved on in my life and have other plans.
Amanda Hollman
January 14 9:51 AM-Stuart
Hi,
All of the mean and hurtful things I said were out of fear. I didn't really mean what I said I was scared. I really did love you. It was scary when you would talk about passing on. So I said the most vile things I could think of so you wouldn't want me. No matter how much I appologise I know that I have lost you as a friend and companion forever.
Stuart Reynolds
January 20 11:49 AM-Amanda
Here is my completely honest message to you. Not going to lie, it is kinda harsh, but I hope that you read this message with the way it was intended: to help you be able to learn where our relationship went wrong and how you can improve in the future with other girls.
I've learned a lot from our relationship and I hope that you do too. Again, this message wasn't meant meant to hurt you, but to open your eyes to what you did to me.
Amanda
January 20 12:01 PM-Stuart
I would like to try and be your friend again. Maybe in time you can see that I'm not the person I came off as. I do miss you. I miss our friendship. Its entirely up to you.
Stuart
January 24 10:34 AM-Amanda
Ok Stuart, here it is, short and to the point. You want to be friends but you don’t even take the effort to think or do anything about the long message I sent you about what happened. You clearly do not actually want to be friends and haven’t changed at all since I ended our relationship. So no, we cannot, and will not be friends again. I am completely and totally serious when I say to leave me alone from now on. Do NOT contact me again.
Goodbye,
Amanda
I kinda feel bad for my response, but I needed to just end it. Continuing the conversation was egging him on and hurting me. I was being honest but maybe too honest. In my opinion though, there isn't any way to end a relationship without hurting them in some way. Better to end it now so he can work on moving on and (hopefully) learn from this whole experience. I know I've learned a lot. I know I need to watch out for counterfeits in my life. Not just boys, but in all things. I've learned that I need to keep both eyes wide open next time that I am in a relationship. I need to not only listen to my friends who tell me about the red flags, but really listen. I heard what they were saying but I wasn't really listening because I didn't believe them. I didn't open my eyes to see what they were seeing. Next time it'll be different.
If he emails me again (he better not, but just in case), I am not going to email him back. No matter how much he begs, pleads, and pulls at my heart, I'm just not going to do it. I want to start a fresh and clean slate. In fact, I am not even going to use the email that he has for me anymore. I know, I don't need to change my life for him. The thing is though, I'm not changing it for him, I'm changing it for me. I want to move on and start over. I can't do that with this same email because I will be constantly worrying that he will email me back. Even if I don't read it, I will still wonder and worry. I'm turning over a new leaf.
I failed yesterday and didn't take a picture. I didn't have my phone with me a lot of the time and I was way busy with church stuff. Today will be different though! I didn't take a picture, but one of my friends posted this song on her blog. She accidentally recorded this song when she played her keyboard to get her emotions out. I found it absolutely beautiful and have already listened to it like 5 times. Seriously I have :) Enjoy!
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