So I completely ended it with Stuart a month ago right? Well on the 23rd, he emailed me saying "Hi. I didn't get into medic school. How are you?" Seriously? Do he not get it?? Wow! I tried to set my email to forward his emails right back to him but it backfired cuz it sent him a confirmation email. Then he sent me 3 more emails asking why I was forwarding my email to him. I changed the settings to send his emails straight to the trash box. I thought that it was over then. But no! Lexi called me yesterday and told me that he messaged her on Facebook (they were friends but they aren't anymore) saying that he misses me. It was one thing by emailing me but once he contacts family members, that crosses the line! I talked to some roommates and to co-workers and I decided to email him a polite threat. Not long before I sent it though, he emailed me again saying "Please talk to me." In my head I was like uh....no! but I just sent him this email:
Stuart,
Although I appreciate the time that we had together, I meant it when I said that I am moving on. I have gotten your emails but I did not reply because I don't have any desire to be in contact with you at this point in my life because I feel that I was mislead as to the nature of our relationship. Please do not contact me or any member of my family again or I will take further action.
Amanda
I haven't heard from him since. On top of that though, my roommate is a manager at dollar tree in provo and she told me that within this month he has come in there (he has only seen her twice with me so he doesn't really know her). One of the times that he went there she was a cashier and he was there with a girl. She said that she could tell they were together. I'm just like wow dude. Seriously? If you are with another girl and trying to talk to me, you're cheating on her. I don't want you dude!
Some where there is someone far better than that jerk but until then I just have to be patient :)
Friday, October 29, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Music!
So...I love music! I listen to it every day without fail and for most of the day. I like to say that I have a musically programed brain. Often times I have trouble putting into words my feelings but I can describe it through music. I went to an institute dance beginning of this month and they played this song:
I turned to Kyla and was like this so describes my life with Stuart! Then I heard this song:
And I realized that this describes how Stuart would act! Ugh I'm so glad that I'm done with him. Ps, he decided to email me the other day. No worries, I haven't responded to him at all. All he said in the email was that he didn't get into medic school and asked how I was doing. I changed my email settings to send his emails straight to my trash box. Grr. Anyways...
I went to a work dance and heard this song:
I love it!! I want someone like that you loves me just the way I am and tells me. I so deserve way better than I had with Stuart and I didn't realize at the time what I was missing but now that it's over I realize how un-happy I really was. I was just infatuated with having him that I was blinded by it all.
Special disclosure to my blog readers, I am working on writing a song. I figured that since my brain works best through music, I would write out my feelings. I haven't told many that I am doing this, but I am really working on it. When I get it written and recorded on my computer, I'll post it on here :)
I turned to Kyla and was like this so describes my life with Stuart! Then I heard this song:
And I realized that this describes how Stuart would act! Ugh I'm so glad that I'm done with him. Ps, he decided to email me the other day. No worries, I haven't responded to him at all. All he said in the email was that he didn't get into medic school and asked how I was doing. I changed my email settings to send his emails straight to my trash box. Grr. Anyways...
I went to a work dance and heard this song:
I love it!! I want someone like that you loves me just the way I am and tells me. I so deserve way better than I had with Stuart and I didn't realize at the time what I was missing but now that it's over I realize how un-happy I really was. I was just infatuated with having him that I was blinded by it all.
Special disclosure to my blog readers, I am working on writing a song. I figured that since my brain works best through music, I would write out my feelings. I haven't told many that I am doing this, but I am really working on it. When I get it written and recorded on my computer, I'll post it on here :)
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Long Overdue (disclaimer-LONG story!)
This post is way past overdue. SOO much has happened since my last post, it's ridiculous. So, first off, you guys wanted my first kiss story so here it is :) I wanted him to come over but he said that he didn't have gas to come so I decided to go pick him up and bring him back. I went over there but we ended up staying at his place and watching this show that he likes. Twice he kissed me on the corner of my mouth teasingly then he turned my face and kissed me. I didn't really know what I was doing but it was nice. I was glad that I knew the way home though cuz I was on auto pilot haha. Except I was paying attention cuz there was a deer on University Avenue! Crazy!
Mom, Julie (Mom's sister), and Lexi came up Labor Day weekend and we visited Temple Square. It was nice and I hope to be able to see it again soon. That night that they were here they met Stuart and that seemed to go pretty well. I took Lexi up to Rexburg (things have changed up there!).
Stuart's EMT-IA program started and I saw very little of him. He kinda broke up with me through texting one day but a few days later we talked and figured it all out. That Sunday night Keim and I went down to Ceder City and Saint George where I met her family and we visited Rachel. We spent those few days of vacation just relaxing. It was nice to get away and just doing nothing. On the way back on Wednesday night, we stopped in Ceder where we had dinner with her family. Then on our way back to Orem, we talked almost the entire way (the first half hour or so she talked to her boyfriend while I read my book haha). We talked about how I was feeling about the relationship Stuart and I had. I had the feeling for a little bit that he could be the right guy but it wasn't the right time yet. By the end of our conversation, I had decided that I was going to pray about what I should do: stay together to wait for the right time or break up to wait for the right time. After I prayed hard about it, I came to the conclusion that either option would be a good solution. I decided that since it was about the two of us, that I would talk with Stuart about it and see what we as a couple would want to do. I didn't have a chance to see him until that Friday night after work. I didn't get to his place until almost 10pm and I didn't end up talking to him about it that night because a)his roommates would walk through the living room and b) after 10pm isn't a good time to have a serious conversation with him-it's too late for him haha.
Sunday night, I received an email from him. It said that he did love me but not the way that he should. He said that he didn't want to date anymore. He said that he wasn't happy and that he wanted to be my friend but understood if I didn't. He also apologized that it was in an email but when I was around he didn't have the heart to do it. Monday after institue, I was able to meet up with him and talk about it all. I had no intention of trying to get back together, but just to talk about it. He explained more and said that he wasn't happy because he couldn't see me everyday like he wanted to. He said that he knew I couldn't really be happy not being able to see him and that he wanted me to be happy. He said that school was his number 1 priority and that he needed to focus on it so that he could have a good career so that he would be able to support his family. He added that he wasn't saying that I wouldn't possibly be a part of that family, but right now he needed to focus on school. I explained to him about the conversation that Keim and I had and we both felt good about breaking up.
That week I texted him only once and it was just a message saying that I hoped he was having a good week and that if he needed anything to let me know. I missed him though and wanted to be honest with him. I wanted to text him but I wanted to do it at a time where I knew that he would see it and have time to reply so I waited. Monday came and on my walk back from institute I got tired so I decided to take a break. He had institute at the same time as I did with a break after so I thought it was a good time to text him. I told him that I knew that our breaking up was a good thing but that I missed him. The conversation that followed was completely not what I expected it to be.
To cut the texting conversation short, what it came down to was that all he wants is action (I'm not spelling it out for you haha). I was so shocked (and I shocked myself at how I responded to his messages-I had attitude!). He literally said (and I quote) "Here it is i need to focus on school but i want to fool around with you as a distraction :) and when im where i need to be we can became official" He meant become but whatever. The smily face is what boggles my mind. He thought I'd actually be ok with that?? I dumped that jerk of a man like a heavy rock into a river. I blocked him on Facebook and google chat, deleted every email, and every picture. I even changed my phone number. I never want to speak to him again. He might have been kidding but I don't care. I don't want to be with someone who kids like that. The only way he can contact me is if he shows up at my apartment door and if he does he will be turned away with a strong message basically saying to leave me alone.
I don't miss him at all. It hurts that he didn't really care about me at all. It hurts when I see his name (I dialed at work that other day and I had one respondent named Stewart and another with the last name Reynolds and I ached inside just from the name-not because I miss him but because of what he did to me). What I do miss though, is having a boyfriend. I was happy before I had a boyfriend so now I'm working on being happy single again. Life is good and there is someone out there who is a million times better than that jerk. I just gotta find him :)
Mom, Julie (Mom's sister), and Lexi came up Labor Day weekend and we visited Temple Square. It was nice and I hope to be able to see it again soon. That night that they were here they met Stuart and that seemed to go pretty well. I took Lexi up to Rexburg (things have changed up there!).
Stuart's EMT-IA program started and I saw very little of him. He kinda broke up with me through texting one day but a few days later we talked and figured it all out. That Sunday night Keim and I went down to Ceder City and Saint George where I met her family and we visited Rachel. We spent those few days of vacation just relaxing. It was nice to get away and just doing nothing. On the way back on Wednesday night, we stopped in Ceder where we had dinner with her family. Then on our way back to Orem, we talked almost the entire way (the first half hour or so she talked to her boyfriend while I read my book haha). We talked about how I was feeling about the relationship Stuart and I had. I had the feeling for a little bit that he could be the right guy but it wasn't the right time yet. By the end of our conversation, I had decided that I was going to pray about what I should do: stay together to wait for the right time or break up to wait for the right time. After I prayed hard about it, I came to the conclusion that either option would be a good solution. I decided that since it was about the two of us, that I would talk with Stuart about it and see what we as a couple would want to do. I didn't have a chance to see him until that Friday night after work. I didn't get to his place until almost 10pm and I didn't end up talking to him about it that night because a)his roommates would walk through the living room and b) after 10pm isn't a good time to have a serious conversation with him-it's too late for him haha.
Sunday night, I received an email from him. It said that he did love me but not the way that he should. He said that he didn't want to date anymore. He said that he wasn't happy and that he wanted to be my friend but understood if I didn't. He also apologized that it was in an email but when I was around he didn't have the heart to do it. Monday after institue, I was able to meet up with him and talk about it all. I had no intention of trying to get back together, but just to talk about it. He explained more and said that he wasn't happy because he couldn't see me everyday like he wanted to. He said that he knew I couldn't really be happy not being able to see him and that he wanted me to be happy. He said that school was his number 1 priority and that he needed to focus on it so that he could have a good career so that he would be able to support his family. He added that he wasn't saying that I wouldn't possibly be a part of that family, but right now he needed to focus on school. I explained to him about the conversation that Keim and I had and we both felt good about breaking up.
That week I texted him only once and it was just a message saying that I hoped he was having a good week and that if he needed anything to let me know. I missed him though and wanted to be honest with him. I wanted to text him but I wanted to do it at a time where I knew that he would see it and have time to reply so I waited. Monday came and on my walk back from institute I got tired so I decided to take a break. He had institute at the same time as I did with a break after so I thought it was a good time to text him. I told him that I knew that our breaking up was a good thing but that I missed him. The conversation that followed was completely not what I expected it to be.
To cut the texting conversation short, what it came down to was that all he wants is action (I'm not spelling it out for you haha). I was so shocked (and I shocked myself at how I responded to his messages-I had attitude!). He literally said (and I quote) "Here it is i need to focus on school but i want to fool around with you as a distraction :) and when im where i need to be we can became official" He meant become but whatever. The smily face is what boggles my mind. He thought I'd actually be ok with that?? I dumped that jerk of a man like a heavy rock into a river. I blocked him on Facebook and google chat, deleted every email, and every picture. I even changed my phone number. I never want to speak to him again. He might have been kidding but I don't care. I don't want to be with someone who kids like that. The only way he can contact me is if he shows up at my apartment door and if he does he will be turned away with a strong message basically saying to leave me alone.
I don't miss him at all. It hurts that he didn't really care about me at all. It hurts when I see his name (I dialed at work that other day and I had one respondent named Stewart and another with the last name Reynolds and I ached inside just from the name-not because I miss him but because of what he did to me). What I do miss though, is having a boyfriend. I was happy before I had a boyfriend so now I'm working on being happy single again. Life is good and there is someone out there who is a million times better than that jerk. I just gotta find him :)
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