Discoveries

Being from San Diego, I grew up with In 'N Out Burger. Even when I didn't like hamburgers (I know, I was a crazy kid) I still liked going there. I would just get a grilled cheese off the "secret menu." I hadn't been there in a long time and had been craving it so on Tuesday when Stuart sent me my "Good morning" text, I asked if he wanted to go. We met up at In 'N Out, ate lunch, then hung out while he did his laundry until I had to go to work. It was nice that we were able to hang out and just talk even though he's been real busy with studying. This morning, he took the written portion of his emt test and passed! The physical is next Saturday but I don't think he'll have a problem at all with that.

Anyone ever heard of this book?

The website has a quiz you can take to see what your love language is, and I found out that my primary love language is Quality Time which made what's been going on between Stuart and I make more sense. I know he's busy and such but I keep getting frustrated that I can't see him. Even just two hours we spent together on Tuesday was nice. Even just a little time together is good. I just have to be patient.

I feel like my personality is kinda hypocritical. I don't care what people think of me, yet I have a need for acceptance. I don't like being the center of attention, yet I have a need to have attention. I'm completely fine on my own, yet I don't like being left out or left alone. I don't understand it. Since I moved to Orem, I've discovered this and more about myself, but I don't know what to do about it. It's frustrating. I try to be the best person I can be, but personally I don't see any progress. To me, it seems like every step I try to take forward is 5 steps backward. The harder I try, the further back I go. I feel like I'm a burden and an annoyance to people. Maybe it's all in my head, maybe it's not, but either way, that's how I feel.